An Open Letter To 'It-Girl' Morning Routines

By Evangeline Polymeneas
Photo via Pinterest

I find it hard to believe that there are real people out there that wake up at 5am every single day, exercise for an hour, shower, cook an extravagant breakfast, do their makeup, complete the perfect updo and find the most stylish outfit, all before starting work at 9am. If you are one of those people, please kindly exit my life stage left, thank you.

However skeptical I am of this early riser phenomenon, sometimes my insecurities get the best of me. I succumb to the YouTube algorithm and click on a seemingly “perfect” person’s morning routine video and convince myself it’s something I should aspire to.

But watching these sort of morning routine videos are basically just a one-way ticket to self-loathing. When the video ends and the screen turns black, I see my reflection staring back at me, double chin and all, and I can’t help but feel less than. 

I wonder, why I’m unable to wake up, fresh as a daisy at the sound of my iPhone alarm each morning, step into some sneakers and go for a run (despite the fact that I’ve never run in my life). Is there something wrong with me?

The people in the 5am club appear as the personification of productivity and seem to have their lives together in a way others fall short. The CEO of Apple, Tim Cook attributes his success to his 3:45am morning start time. Oprah Winfrey and Michelle Obama also wake up at dawn. No wonder I’m not nearly as successful.

My morning routine consists of being abruptly woken by my alarm and going straight for my phone where I spend 10-15 minutes answering my missed messages and notifications. This is very much the opposite of the YouTubers who stress how important having a technology-free morning is.

After that, I go and do the same thing, but this time, on the toilet. Then I wash my face, moisturise and brush my teeth, before I grab the closest outfit from my ‘clothes chair’ (you know that chair that you throw your clothes on instead of putting them away in your closet). Then I run out the door, late already, missing the most important meal of the day.

When I Googled ‘morning routine’, 83,100,000 results appeared. All trying to inspire ‘healthy and productive’ morning habits and routines that “set you up for success”.

While I was scrolling, I couldn’t help but think of Missy Higgins song lyric “triangle trying to squeeze through a circle”. I just don’t see myself ever beginning “that girl”. But it wasn’t until I stumbled across a result about ‘chronotypes’ that I had an “ah huh” moment. 

Chronotypes are classifications of sleep and productivity schedules that dictate when a person is most active and alert during the day. There are four chronotypes, the bear, the lion, the wolf and the dolphin and they are all unique.

Our idea of the ‘productive person’ tends to be anyone who identifies with the lion chronotype.

These people feels most active in the morning and tend to complete most of their work before midday. However, only 15 per cent of the population aligns with this lifestyle. A majority, at 55 per cent, are actually the bear chronotype, who tends to feel most productive in the middle of the day.

The wolf chronotype, which make up 15 per cent of the population, tends to be most productive at night and the least attributed chronotype at 10 per cent, the dolphin, is the most productive in bursts throughout the day and night.

After a deeper look, some of the aforementioned online morning routines seem counter-productive attempts at inspiring productivity for the average person. They fail to take into account the diversity of experiences and I’d hazard a guess that some of the people making these routines probably don’t start every their day like that. I maintain that Trisha Paytas’ morning routine is the only relatable one (minus the glam team). 

 It made me realise I was comparing apples to oranges. I am not the same as those women on the internet, and I shouldn’t compare myself to them. I might be a bit slower in the mornings, but I get there in my own time – and that’s what matters.